The Vain Search for Porkslap and Moodus Noises

Welcome to Moodus, CT.  Puffinmuffin and Prof. WoodChuck found two compelling reasons to visit this small town 70 miles from Providence: a liquor store (Connecticut residents refer to them as "Package Stores") promising to sell Porkslap Pale Ale, our pick for favorite beer at the 2009 Philly Craft Beer Festival, and the Moodus noises, an unexplained phenomenon immortalized by H.P. Lovecraft in his story "The Dunwich Horror".

Sadly, the liquor store no longer stocked Porkslap, and could find only one dusty can, which was presented to us as a consolation prize. It should also be noted that we were costumed, as "90's Us". L. Puffinmuffin and Prof. WoodChuck first met in 1997, and it was not love at first sight, possibly because we looked like this:

To be fair, Puffinmuffin had been sick for the three days prior to this photo. However, it actually made the costume more authentic. Trust me, puffy eyes and a glazed look were all the rage in 90's Warwick. No. Really.

At this point, many of you might be wondering what might make two otherwise reasonable adults dress like teen version of themselves and wander off into the woods looking for sounds. The Moodus noises are a strange geological phenomenon which worked its way first into local folklore and then into literary history. The people who first settled the area were told by the native inhabitants of the supernatural rumblings which would periodically emanate from the hills. Sadly, we had no opportunity to hear those rumblings, but Lovecraft describes them - in the form of a fictitious sermon preached by a character in "The Dunwich Horror" - as, "a Rattling and Rolling, Groaning, Screeching and Hissing, such as no Things of this Earth cou'd raise up".

Our search for the Moodus noises lead us to a small park at the end of a residential road, which we assumed would take us to Cave Hill.  Puffinmuffin was pretty sure that Cave Hill was named for the Moodus Caves, which is supposedly one of the best places to hear the aforementioned noises. It'd the kind of dead end destination that makes a great beginning for bad horror. Two young lovers thought they were taking a romantic stroll in the woods, but it was a walk into - TERROR! (yeah, that's why I'm not in advertising).  Aside from a snake  L. Puffinmufin nearly trodded on, it was a peaceful hike to the top of Cave Hill on an almost perfect fall day. We sat at the top, listened for the infamous noise and tried to drink our sad, lone can of Pork-Slap. Unfortunately we didn't hear much but the wind in the leaves and the occasional truck rolling by.  Also our consolation can of beer had been sitting in the fridge for so long it was completely and utterly undrinkable.  But perched there in the quiet woods on a day that so perfectly suited for Halloween it was impossible to be disappointed.

The next item on our menu of fun was a cheery sounding place called The Devil's Hop Yard. We hadn't know it was there when we left, but we were told it was a creepy place by two locals who were very nice after they realized we were only dressed like that because it was Halloween. Lovecraft described it as "...a bleak, blasted hillside where no tree, shrub or grass-blade will grow." While we can't be certain he was talking about this particular park in Connecticut, if he had been we could be forgiven for thinking his description was a little off. In fact, the park we saw was beautiful and thick with trees.

Click here to see Prof. Woodchuck take up the story.

On the way back, we had a late - and delightfully liquid - lunch at the Willimantic Brewing Company, a delightful little brew pub in a converted post office. The Prof had a half rack of incredibly tender baby back ribs with homemade beer BBQ sauce, and a sampler of five of the signature beers:
1) A mysterious pale substance called the Elm, which was the only beer either of us had that was not brewed at the brew pub. It had a faint aroma of lanolin.
2) Carrier's Credo Cream Ale. What makes a cream ale creamy remains a mystery, as the only cream ale either of us had tasted prior was the horrible dive bar standard Gennessee Cream Ale. The Carrier's was considerably better - pale and slightly bitter without being too hoppy.
3) The Husky IPA, second-best of 3 IPAs on tap (the mascot of nearby UConn is the husky, by the way). We had a somewhat similar beer at the Heartland Brewery in Union Square in NY, called the Cornhusker, and therefore wondered if the beer might actually contain corn of some sort.
4) Harvest Ale, which L. Puffinmuffin had from the cask. The regular version was malty and somewhat boring.
5) Barrel Aged Extreme/Knight/Funkhammer. Despite the clunky name and even clunkier 9% alcohol content, this was a surprise favorite of the day for the Prof because of its resemblance to the Flemish Sour ale at Monk's Belgian cafe in Philadelphia. It's very sour, not at all bitter, and definitely an acquired taste. Don't drink it and drive.

Puffinmuffin had a sandwich that goes by the name the Village, which is fitting, since it contains enough corned beef to feed one.  This was washed down with a sampler of his own. However, owing to because of prior commitments (i.e. eating a week's worth of food in a single sitting) he was unable to be as detailed in his reviews as the good Professor. Still, here is a run down as best as he can remember;

1) Certified Gold Ale: This one seemed to be their approximation of a Kolsch, a nice traditional German light beer. While this is generally the kind of thing Puffinmuffin looks for in a session beer, there wasn't anything particularly inspiring about this one. It wasn't bad, just none too memorable.
2) Junk Mail IPA:  Definately the highlight of the bunch. Very hoppy, but not to excess. It was very bright without tasting anasceptic, bitter but clean. All in all, a very drinkable beer.
3) Dyvil Hopyard Double IPA:  At 8.4% this would seem to be outside Puffinmuffin's comfort zone. But it was surprisingly drinkable for such a strong beer. With a nice hoppy character, not overly malty, and a pleasant finish.  He might not call it a session beer, but definitely one of the more pleasant plus-6% beers he's run across.
4) Harvest Ale Cask: This was essentially the same as the Harvest Ale, only in a cask. What does that mean? Room temperature and no extra carbonation primarily. This tends to work against most beers in our opinions, however with this beer it seemed to add a little something. I can't really say what that was, but we liked it.
5) 3 Cents Pale Ale: This was another hoppy, malty entry. To be honest it was a toss-up between this and the Junk Mail for the favorite spot. However this one just didn't have the depth of flavor of the Junk Mail. It was a little less bitter, but also a little less flavorful overall. All the same, a very drinkable brew. A body could do worse.